Making a Decision
The decision was finally made. There was no turning back. We had decided as a family to leave Estero and move to Cape Coral. I think the conflict of indecision is the most taxing on me. It’s that ‘Should I?’ or ‘Shouldn’t I?’ that has me up most nights at 3:00 am tossing and turning and getting up to stare at the moon. For months I have been asking myself was this move right for us, for our two typical sons and for our special needs daughter?
I decided it was time to let Rachal’s Life Skill’s teacher, Jill Bonnell, know that we were leaving Bonita Springs Middle and moving her to a middle school closer to our new home in Cape Coral.
“But there is only six more weeks of school!” everyone said to us.
“Why change her now and put her through all that transition for just six weeks.” My Mother questioned?
“Why not let her take the bus from Cape Coral to Bonita?” One friend asked.
The meaningful suggestions from family and friends were considered as I mapped out the best plan of transition for Rachal.
The mental turmoil of making a change in your typical child’s life is hard enough but when you add to that scenario that the child has special need, well that adds an entirely new heartache. Doubts and never ending questions of am I doing the right thing? Plague me. Fears of ruining her life by taking her out of her environment and confusing her, consumes me.
As I walked in to share the news with Jill I was apprehensive. Jill had been in Rachal’s life all of her 6th grade year and all of her 7th grade year except these six weeks I was cutting off. Was this the right decision? Rachal had fallen in love with Jill. The class and she had such a fabulous rapport. Each of the children had such varying degrees of needs. Jill Bonnell met them wonderfully. Rachal has a new found confidence since coming to this Life Skills class. What was I doing?
The classroom was empty. Except for the art work displayed all over the bulletin boards. The chalk board was full of numbers. I had to smile to myself. Rachal loved numbers and it was Jill that gave her that degree of love. She began with the number 0. Rachal would come home for week and her homework was 0. Just 0. 0 0 0 0 0. 100’s of 0’s. 1,000’s of 0’s. Sometime her 0’s looked like hooks. Sometimes like squished pea pods but you knew she was always trying. It went on the same way with each of the numbers all the way through 9.
Jill was sitting at her desk and came over to greet me. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I began to explain our decision in moving Rachal out for the last six weeks of school. I tried to justify my every thought. I was trying to convince myself as the words tumbled out of my mouth. I remember just deciding to stop talking, to just listen instead of filling the air with my justification.
Jill began to be the ever encourager. She shared how the next six weeks were a wonderful time for Rachal to learn her new environment. That those weeks would enable her be that much more prepared for the 2005 - 2006 school year. She shared how Rachal had touched her life and how she always came bouncing into each day with the biggest smile on her face. She promised she would always stay in touch and we could plan a get together right away to give Rachal something to look forward to.
Indecision. It is the hardest part of making a decision. But as long as I believe in the people around me I can make them confidently and without fear of making a wrong one.
The six weeks were over before any of us knew it. Rachal fell in love, once again with her new Life Skills teacher and made the best of friends with her special classmates. She still mentioned Mrs. Bonnell and her classmates at Bonita but woven within those memories were the new ones she was making.
It’s July now and just weeks before Rachal begins her 8th grade Life Skills class at Trafalgar Middle. I think back to those agonizing sleepless nights when I wondered what I was doing with my life and the life of my children. Everything does seem to work out one way or another doesn’t it? I mean Rachal is weeks away from beginning her final year of middle school. She has a head start on her environment and teacher and classmates just like Jill Bonnell said she would.
I decided it was time to let Rachal’s Life Skill’s teacher, Jill Bonnell, know that we were leaving Bonita Springs Middle and moving her to a middle school closer to our new home in Cape Coral.
“But there is only six more weeks of school!” everyone said to us.
“Why change her now and put her through all that transition for just six weeks.” My Mother questioned?
“Why not let her take the bus from Cape Coral to Bonita?” One friend asked.
The meaningful suggestions from family and friends were considered as I mapped out the best plan of transition for Rachal.
The mental turmoil of making a change in your typical child’s life is hard enough but when you add to that scenario that the child has special need, well that adds an entirely new heartache. Doubts and never ending questions of am I doing the right thing? Plague me. Fears of ruining her life by taking her out of her environment and confusing her, consumes me.
As I walked in to share the news with Jill I was apprehensive. Jill had been in Rachal’s life all of her 6th grade year and all of her 7th grade year except these six weeks I was cutting off. Was this the right decision? Rachal had fallen in love with Jill. The class and she had such a fabulous rapport. Each of the children had such varying degrees of needs. Jill Bonnell met them wonderfully. Rachal has a new found confidence since coming to this Life Skills class. What was I doing?
The classroom was empty. Except for the art work displayed all over the bulletin boards. The chalk board was full of numbers. I had to smile to myself. Rachal loved numbers and it was Jill that gave her that degree of love. She began with the number 0. Rachal would come home for week and her homework was 0. Just 0. 0 0 0 0 0. 100’s of 0’s. 1,000’s of 0’s. Sometime her 0’s looked like hooks. Sometimes like squished pea pods but you knew she was always trying. It went on the same way with each of the numbers all the way through 9.
Jill was sitting at her desk and came over to greet me. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I began to explain our decision in moving Rachal out for the last six weeks of school. I tried to justify my every thought. I was trying to convince myself as the words tumbled out of my mouth. I remember just deciding to stop talking, to just listen instead of filling the air with my justification.
Jill began to be the ever encourager. She shared how the next six weeks were a wonderful time for Rachal to learn her new environment. That those weeks would enable her be that much more prepared for the 2005 - 2006 school year. She shared how Rachal had touched her life and how she always came bouncing into each day with the biggest smile on her face. She promised she would always stay in touch and we could plan a get together right away to give Rachal something to look forward to.
Indecision. It is the hardest part of making a decision. But as long as I believe in the people around me I can make them confidently and without fear of making a wrong one.
The six weeks were over before any of us knew it. Rachal fell in love, once again with her new Life Skills teacher and made the best of friends with her special classmates. She still mentioned Mrs. Bonnell and her classmates at Bonita but woven within those memories were the new ones she was making.
It’s July now and just weeks before Rachal begins her 8th grade Life Skills class at Trafalgar Middle. I think back to those agonizing sleepless nights when I wondered what I was doing with my life and the life of my children. Everything does seem to work out one way or another doesn’t it? I mean Rachal is weeks away from beginning her final year of middle school. She has a head start on her environment and teacher and classmates just like Jill Bonnell said she would.
posted by Lisa Cronin Miller @ 12:58 PM
<< Home